I changed the template and lost not only my precious few comments but the comment box utility itself. So currently got to sort out what, if anything, I'm going to do about it. What happened was my old template didn't have the comment feature so I had to use Haloscan's. But when I changed templates (to a template that has a built-in comment feature), in a fit of contrariness, it wiped out my comments and refused to deliver on the promised feature. If you know anything about how I can fix it without having to get a completely brand-new blog, please drop me a line. Thanks much.
Also, curently trying to figure out what I'm going to do with this site in general. The painful truth is that, once I opened this site up to my family and friends, the very possibility of them reading many of my thoughts dried up the well inside. I like some of what I've done here, and I'm not giving up on the idea of having stuff online I can actually share with them (!), but a regular, genuine online journal does not seem to be one of those things right now. Perhaps in future I will mature past this obstacle or see things differently but right now I don't believe everybody needs to know everything I'm thinking. Unless they're perfect strangers.
...
Monday, February 28, 2005
Thursday, November 18, 2004
Murder and Survival
"I don't care what does it: I don't care if it's the tension, the fear, the 'enemy'… it's murder. We are occupied by murderers."--River
I sat and read her account of the Marine shooting the Iraqi in the Fallujah mosque in horror and could hardly believe it was real. I seriously was thinking, is this real? Could this be made up?
Then I followed the link she provides to Yahoo news' account of it. Apparently, a group of Marines entered a Mosque where some wounded Iraqis had been left behind, argued about whether one was faking death or not, and then shot him.
" 'He's dead now,' a Marine is heard saying...
Sites reported a Marine in the same unit had been killed just a day earlier when he tended to the booby-trapped dead body of an insurgent.
NBC reported that the Marine seen shooting the wounded Iraqi had himself been shot in the face the day before, but quickly returned to duty."
I don't know much about war. Okay, basically nothing. But there are enough clues in that Yahoo article to make me think this is not as simple a case as it sounds. At least for me, when I try to put myself in that Marine's shoes, I don't know what would happen. A lot of people argue that killing is never okay. And, on the surface, their argument makes perfect sense. God made human life sacred; He made us to live, not to kill and be killed.
But can you really say that if someone's being murdered outside your front door, you should do nothing? Spare the murderer because to do otherwise makes you like him? Let him kill, and possibly keep killing?
Now I realize the situation in the mosque is not the same. Here, it's more an issue of your own survival--do you risk it and hope the other guy is friendly or dead or not booby-trapped? It's more than your own survival at stake; it's the survival of the men with you, who's lives are just as valuable as yours and the Iraqi on the ground.
Who's life do you choose?
I'm also not claiming the guy did everything right. He does sound indifferent to death he just caused and he probably is. It's a pretty hard state to avoid if you get into war--not that you shouldn't fight it, resist becoming cold-blooded, but you can pretty well guarantee that it's going to be a continual struggle, a constant danger.
I don't know what the Marine should have done. I don't know what I would have done. I just don't believe it's as simple as murder, or necessarily comparable with a psychopathic killer, as River does.
I will say this. I have no personal experience with war, as I said. In that department, she very definitely wins out over me. I don't know what it is like for her right now, living in the midst of all that. I would think scary beyond belief. I just think there is more to the shooting than she has perhaps considered.
I think Owen West and Phillip Carter have some thought-provoking stuff to say on the subject, especially as regards the Iraqi's killing compared to that of Margaret Hassan.
First love
What I wanted to say was that I was trying to focus on my First Love, but I was afraid it'd come across as holier-than-thou, which is not how I meant it. Honestly, it encourages me to speak in a positive way about what I should be focusing on (even if I'm not doing a great job of focusing on it right now). I think it's a good way to help me refocus.
I've been neglecting Him horribly, and sometimes I feel it. Sometimes I'm too hardhearted for that, admittedly, but sometimes--sometimes--I remember and feel the lack of Him. Miss Him a little bit.
My parents tell me that they want me to get married, that they want a "good" life for me, meaning a married life. They say that I don't seem to think positively enough about my chances of getting married. But honestly, the way I see it, yes, I want to get married, and maybe I'm not "positive enough" about my chances (meaning I'm not absolutely sure it'll happen), but what makes sense to me is to be open to whatever life God gives me, to focus on Him, devote myself to Him and whatever blessings He chooses to add to my life He'll add. That I think is the beauty--and the scariness--of submission. That I give my life up to Him and let Him decide what to give me, let Him decide what's best for me. And then I truly will have a good life, by the only standard that matters.
Am I wrong to think this way? Am I being too idealistic or naive? Maybe, but I think I'm also right. Idealism and naivete are not always off-track. Sometimes there's a reason for them, at least for the idealism. God wants His best for us, and the world may think it's idealistic, but God is a God of perfection, no? Of ideals, you might say. If anyone can reach the ideal--true perfection--He can.
And He can, because He is.
(Matt 6:25-34)
I've been neglecting Him horribly, and sometimes I feel it. Sometimes I'm too hardhearted for that, admittedly, but sometimes--sometimes--I remember and feel the lack of Him. Miss Him a little bit.
My parents tell me that they want me to get married, that they want a "good" life for me, meaning a married life. They say that I don't seem to think positively enough about my chances of getting married. But honestly, the way I see it, yes, I want to get married, and maybe I'm not "positive enough" about my chances (meaning I'm not absolutely sure it'll happen), but what makes sense to me is to be open to whatever life God gives me, to focus on Him, devote myself to Him and whatever blessings He chooses to add to my life He'll add. That I think is the beauty--and the scariness--of submission. That I give my life up to Him and let Him decide what to give me, let Him decide what's best for me. And then I truly will have a good life, by the only standard that matters.
Am I wrong to think this way? Am I being too idealistic or naive? Maybe, but I think I'm also right. Idealism and naivete are not always off-track. Sometimes there's a reason for them, at least for the idealism. God wants His best for us, and the world may think it's idealistic, but God is a God of perfection, no? Of ideals, you might say. If anyone can reach the ideal--true perfection--He can.
And He can, because He is.
(Matt 6:25-34)
Sunday, October 03, 2004
Trying Those Legs Out
"...there comes a time when you have to see, if only for a few hours, whether it's true, what you think, whether your child has more strength than he himself knows."
I wonder if this isn't how God feels, those times when he lets us stumble and fall down, get up, and try those legs out again.
Unlike Mommy, he never has to leave our side.
Read the whole thing, if you get the chance. It's lovely.
Monday, September 27, 2004
Learning to Crawl
I saw "The Day After Tomorrow" several weeks ago now and enjoyed it. It wasn't a great movie, but...I enjoyed it. I've said before I don't know much about movie critiquing, but--perhaps because of the writers' course I've been taking--I could identify one or two flaws in it. But I still liked it and think I'd like to see it again.
Two things I took away from this movie. I believe I heard one of the scientists make the remarkable comment that storms are imbalances that rage until they are corrected.
Until they are corrected. Hm. You mean they don't just fix themselves? I always thought they just sort of...dissipated. If this piece of information is right (I did look around online trying to find something to corroborate this but no luck so far), then my guess is if storms don't just go away, then some opposing force somehow rights the balance and..."fixes" things. (Of course, it might be that the "opposing force" is within them, in which case it could be argued that they do indeed "fix" themselves. I don't know much about storms, okay?) The point is they don't just go away, not without the weather being put back on track, the balance being restored. Something has to happen to fix what's wrong, to correct the balance.
I remember when I prayed fervently for God to help me or heal me or something like that. I don't remember now for sure but it was almost as if I expected him to wave a hand over the problems in my life and say, "Be gone!" To fix me with the snap of a finger so that I was good as new, just like before. After all, the Bible says "if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation" (2 Cor 5:17); "he has crossed over from death to life" (John 5:24). That sounds pretty immediate to me. And it is.
Now wait a minute, this sounds like a discrepancy. Either God heals you immediately or he doesn't. My answer is yes and no. But the yes is the bigger. When you renounce old ways and take on new ways in the obedience of faith, God answers you immediately; he quite literally makes you new. You are reborn, like a new, perfect baby. No more sin, no more problems. That's on the truer, spiritual level. You are brand new.
In the physical world I think he does something quite different.
I remember days or months after those fervent prayers realizing it wasn't going to be so easy. God was't going to go 1-2-3 snap! and I'm better. It's still a hard thing for me to understand, so many years later, and as recently as within the last two years, I've pleaded with God just to come to me, to tell me in a vision what to do. I haven't totally given up wishing he would.
I think I understand why he doesn't. I think you probably know the answer, too, unpleasant as it is. He's letting us grow. Letting us learn to crawl. You don't keep carrying a child around for the rest of his life. At some point, you start letting him--and he starts trying--to lift his head, to sit up, to crawl, to walk--and someday, to run.
Imagine if you got yourself in a real fix. Tangled up so deeply in a bad situation that you can't see the way out. (Not hard to imagine for most of us.) What would happen if God waved his hand over you and said, "Be healed!" and reverted you back to good as new, just like that? Be a lot easier, certainly, yes. But what else? Would you see how you got from safe on dry ground to down in the pit to dry ground again? Would you even know what you did wrong to begin with, so you could avoid doing it again?
How can we ever expect to learn if we're not given the chance to do things for ourselves? I'm not saying God stands back in the theater seats and lets us do it all on our own. Far from it. I believe he's active and involved, even in the physical world--but, at the same time, he's letting us learn to crawl.
Storms don't just go away. You can take my word for that. When your life's thrown out of balance and everything's out of whack is maybe when you need to get a hold of some opposing forces--something to oppose the dark and stormy night in your life--or more specifically Someone. The truth is, we don't have enough strength, enough force on our own, in and of ourselves. We supply the willingness. God supplies the strength.
The last line (?) of the movie supplied the other half, the closure; a beautiful dovetail completing the earlier statement. Two astronauts who've been overlooking the turmoil on Earth throughout the storm from space. After the storm, in the final moments of the movie, one says to the other, "Have you ever seen the air so clear?"
Storms don't go away on their own. They take labor and effort, sometimes pain and sacrifice, to be corrected. But, when you've done the work, put in the time--you've never seen the air so clear in your life.
Two things I took away from this movie. I believe I heard one of the scientists make the remarkable comment that storms are imbalances that rage until they are corrected.
Until they are corrected. Hm. You mean they don't just fix themselves? I always thought they just sort of...dissipated. If this piece of information is right (I did look around online trying to find something to corroborate this but no luck so far), then my guess is if storms don't just go away, then some opposing force somehow rights the balance and..."fixes" things. (Of course, it might be that the "opposing force" is within them, in which case it could be argued that they do indeed "fix" themselves. I don't know much about storms, okay?) The point is they don't just go away, not without the weather being put back on track, the balance being restored. Something has to happen to fix what's wrong, to correct the balance.
I remember when I prayed fervently for God to help me or heal me or something like that. I don't remember now for sure but it was almost as if I expected him to wave a hand over the problems in my life and say, "Be gone!" To fix me with the snap of a finger so that I was good as new, just like before. After all, the Bible says "if anyone is in Christ he is a new creation" (2 Cor 5:17); "he has crossed over from death to life" (John 5:24). That sounds pretty immediate to me. And it is.
Now wait a minute, this sounds like a discrepancy. Either God heals you immediately or he doesn't. My answer is yes and no. But the yes is the bigger. When you renounce old ways and take on new ways in the obedience of faith, God answers you immediately; he quite literally makes you new. You are reborn, like a new, perfect baby. No more sin, no more problems. That's on the truer, spiritual level. You are brand new.
In the physical world I think he does something quite different.
I remember days or months after those fervent prayers realizing it wasn't going to be so easy. God was't going to go 1-2-3 snap! and I'm better. It's still a hard thing for me to understand, so many years later, and as recently as within the last two years, I've pleaded with God just to come to me, to tell me in a vision what to do. I haven't totally given up wishing he would.
I think I understand why he doesn't. I think you probably know the answer, too, unpleasant as it is. He's letting us grow. Letting us learn to crawl. You don't keep carrying a child around for the rest of his life. At some point, you start letting him--and he starts trying--to lift his head, to sit up, to crawl, to walk--and someday, to run.
Imagine if you got yourself in a real fix. Tangled up so deeply in a bad situation that you can't see the way out. (Not hard to imagine for most of us.) What would happen if God waved his hand over you and said, "Be healed!" and reverted you back to good as new, just like that? Be a lot easier, certainly, yes. But what else? Would you see how you got from safe on dry ground to down in the pit to dry ground again? Would you even know what you did wrong to begin with, so you could avoid doing it again?
How can we ever expect to learn if we're not given the chance to do things for ourselves? I'm not saying God stands back in the theater seats and lets us do it all on our own. Far from it. I believe he's active and involved, even in the physical world--but, at the same time, he's letting us learn to crawl.
Storms don't just go away. You can take my word for that. When your life's thrown out of balance and everything's out of whack is maybe when you need to get a hold of some opposing forces--something to oppose the dark and stormy night in your life--or more specifically Someone. The truth is, we don't have enough strength, enough force on our own, in and of ourselves. We supply the willingness. God supplies the strength.
The last line (?) of the movie supplied the other half, the closure; a beautiful dovetail completing the earlier statement. Two astronauts who've been overlooking the turmoil on Earth throughout the storm from space. After the storm, in the final moments of the movie, one says to the other, "Have you ever seen the air so clear?"
Storms don't go away on their own. They take labor and effort, sometimes pain and sacrifice, to be corrected. But, when you've done the work, put in the time--you've never seen the air so clear in your life.
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