What I wanted to say was that I was trying to focus on my First Love, but I was afraid it'd come across as holier-than-thou, which is not how I meant it. Honestly, it encourages me to speak in a positive way about what I should be focusing on (even if I'm not doing a great job of focusing on it right now). I think it's a good way to help me refocus.
I've been neglecting Him horribly, and sometimes I feel it. Sometimes I'm too hardhearted for that, admittedly, but sometimes--sometimes--I remember and feel the lack of Him. Miss Him a little bit.
My parents tell me that they want me to get married, that they want a "good" life for me, meaning a married life. They say that I don't seem to think positively enough about my chances of getting married. But honestly, the way I see it, yes, I want to get married, and maybe I'm not "positive enough" about my chances (meaning I'm not absolutely sure it'll happen), but what makes sense to me is to be open to whatever life God gives me, to focus on Him, devote myself to Him and whatever blessings He chooses to add to my life He'll add. That I think is the beauty--and the scariness--of submission. That I give my life up to Him and let Him decide what to give me, let Him decide what's best for me. And then I truly will have a good life, by the only standard that matters.
Am I wrong to think this way? Am I being too idealistic or naive? Maybe, but I think I'm also right. Idealism and naivete are not always off-track. Sometimes there's a reason for them, at least for the idealism. God wants His best for us, and the world may think it's idealistic, but God is a God of perfection, no? Of ideals, you might say. If anyone can reach the ideal--true perfection--He can.
And He can, because He is.