Big Day

I started this yesterday. That's why it says "today" when it really means yesterday. [edit: Well, okay, Blogger insists today really is yesterday (aka I'm posting this on Thursday but it says Wednesday). Confusing... Shut up.]

Today was a big day for me. There are things in me I haven't dealt with--really "handled" in a long time. Well, maybe--ever. Not with any authenticity--the tough "grace" of being who you are and nothing more, or less, for that matter. Being ordinary.

I am still learning--some of it I used to know, some of it I can't remember one way or the other, some of it is brand new for me--I never really engaged the first time; never made the effort, both to think it through, or especially even actually try it out; experiment. Never really "engaged". If there's one thing I've learned from my sister's cat, it's that you learn faster by experimenting than by being cautious. (Yeah; jus--don't ask... :) ) 'Course, using your head saves a lot of time, too...

I don't know if I will continue to write this here or not. I don't know much of anything right now. [edit: Whoops, I repeated myself.] I am just going to try to tell the truth today, and each day, and not just to myself anymore. Until I see something better. So far this is the best thing I have ever seen. I wish I could be more, but maybe you have more grace in you than I gave you credit for.

To those of you who know me, there are things I want to say I can't say on here. Please don't think this is the last word on the subject. Come talk to me.