Wednesday, March 01, 2006

Big Day

I started this yesterday. That's why it says "today" when it really means yesterday. [edit: Well, okay, Blogger insists today really is yesterday (aka I'm posting this on Thursday but it says Wednesday). Confusing... Shut up.]

Today was a big day for me. There are things in me I haven't dealt with--really "handled" in a long time. Well, maybe--ever. Not with any authenticity--the tough "grace" of being who you are and nothing more, or less, for that matter. Being ordinary.

I am still learning--some of it I used to know, some of it I can't remember one way or the other, some of it is brand new for me--I never really engaged the first time; never made the effort, both to think it through, or especially even actually try it out; experiment. Never really "engaged". If there's one thing I've learned from my sister's cat, it's that you learn faster by experimenting than by being cautious. (Yeah; jus--don't ask... :) ) 'Course, using your head saves a lot of time, too...

I don't know if I will continue to write this here or not. I don't know much of anything right now. [edit: Whoops, I repeated myself.] I am just going to try to tell the truth today, and each day, and not just to myself anymore. Until I see something better. So far this is the best thing I have ever seen. I wish I could be more, but maybe you have more grace in you than I gave you credit for.

To those of you who know me, there are things I want to say I can't say on here. Please don't think this is the last word on the subject. Come talk to me.

1 comment:

Sarah said...

I hope you don't mind me reading your blog. I am glad things are starting to look up and that stuff is sorting out in your head. It's tough to be confused and it's tough to admit it.

Will we see you soon?